U sually people make resolutions in the dying days of a year - and all too often break them in the opening moments of the new. It's only human... we aspire to greatness and then inevitably stumble a bit as we lurch towards them down the road of good intentions. I really didn't make any at the turn of 2009, in fact I never even really thought about making them or not. Barely crossed what passes for my mind. Perhaps I was too busy digging out snow-drifts, making the most of the out-of-the-UK down-time or somehow finding I was being more frightingly domesticated in a month than I am for the other days of the year entirely. Seriously, most of the time I can burn water. If I could find the kettle. What's a kettle?

But as January ticks through, I guess I am thinking more about what I am doing, what I should be doing and what I should be doing next. Maybe even after that. Oh, it's not as if I don't have enough to do on the practical side: before the end of the month there's far too many things to sort through and all of them howling for my attention and bellowing at the consequences if I don't put them at the top of the list.

This year I'll be 42. (Real 'meaning of life' territory, ya think?). But 30 came and went without any of the prophesised fanfare and 40 was a mere blip on the radar until it became the blip on the machine at LGI. Then 2009 was a year of constant transition, I guess... near dirt-naps being very effective wake-up calls.

But what should 2010 be? What do I need and want out of it in the long run? The frustrating answer is I'm not sure. I'm used to making myself set small goals as I find even minor accomplishments keep up the momentum and lead to bigger ones. Finishing an article, tidying something, getting something posted out in the mail or being able to mentally tick something off a list means I can go to bed and think the day wasn't entirely wasted. Little victories. But what of the long game?

Sure, there's that novel to keep writing/start again (if Steve can manage five or more and sell the film rights to Europe, surely I can manage one and get an edorsement from Channel Five?); I'd like to be able to spend more time socialising outside of four very familiar walls which somehow contain more of my flotsam and jetsam than 1/4 of a relative mansion once did; I'd like to earn the kind of money that my work IS actually worth-  1/2 would be acceptable - or be acknowledged more vigorously when it's often done as a favour.

I guess as we get older that we spot that pragmatic dividing line between making stuff happen for ourselves and merely relying on others to not get in the way- that so much of our lives revolves around the decisions that others make (or don't), that we might blink and miss the things we need to make happen ourselves, if only we had the energy and time at the end of the day. We need to remind ourselves that bad things happen but really good things happen too, to recognise them and not to forget to smile and breathe out a bit when they do.

So technically, I actually DO know where I need to be by the end of the year... better financially, more even social life, knowing if I can balance my own needs and wants in all aspects of life with those of others. Effectively, it's just the need for a few more street signs, some reliable directions from the people I come across who are interested in the same route...and, yes, considerable gas money for the fuel it'll take.

I'm just not sure God's quite the reliable co-pilot I'm always hearing about.